Pause a Fight!

Ok, so getting real here: Relationships are HARD work!  Maintaining a close relationship over years is really difficult; My own 20-year long (almost) marriage has made that very clear.

Navigating some of the challenging times with my husband, I realize over and over that we have habits that lead us, far too easily into downward spirals in our communication be it about sex, kids, or even driving directions.

So, as part of our shared commitment to continue working through our difficulties, and after I participated in the escalation of a dumb argument until it felt absolutely terrible, I asked myself what I could have done differently.  What I came up with was this 3-step process which I intend to use the next time it happens.  Hopefully, this might also help you.

I know this is challenging.  I really do!! I tend to defend myself, blame my partner, justify my behavior and often I don't listen very well.  When I watch my ego want to taking over, I remind myself that in the end that I really want connection more than I want to be right and if I let my ego take over it won't be worth the resulting tension and sadness.